KFC’S Double Down in all its cheesy, chicken glory.

Let me let you in on a dirty little secret. Sometimes the search to find a sandwich to write about every Wednesday isn’t easy. Sometimes I’m driven to desperate measures. And that’s how I came to try the KFC Double Down, the fast-food chain’s frankensandwich of two fried chicken breasts in lieu of a bun with bacon, cheese, and mystery sauce in between.

Desperation to find a sandwich to write about aside, what really spurred me to try it was the three-foot picture of the sandwich outside an Astoria KFC that bore the come-on  “Back for a limited time.” Once inside I couldn’t find the 610-calorie behemoth on the menu board. As I stood there confused, I was reminded of many marijuana-fueled high-school nights where I stood slack-jawed for a seeming eternity in front of a fast-food menu.

Finally I asked the kid. “Do you have seven minutes?” he asked. I nodded and handed over seven bucks and some change, quite possibly the most I have ever spent on a single fast-food item.

Precisely seven minutes later my Double Down was ready. For some reason it was served with a knife and fork, which leads to me believe that even KFC knows it’s a ridiculous monstrosity. Then again, maybe the staff of this particular shop saw fit to provide cutlery. Either way I did not use it. I dug in with my hands, which were coated in chicken grease faster than you could say Lipitor.

The verdict? It was actually kind of good in a junky way. The chicken was crunchy, although the bacon was completely lost in the mix. If I was still a stoner, I’d definitely get one. I am glad the “sandwich” is only back for a limited time, for I don’t need to double down again any time soon.

I’m also glad I don’t live in Korea, where KFC has created what they call the Zinger Double Down King, which throws a beef patty into the already gutbusting mix. Much as I’d like to say I wouldn’t try one, I know I would. It would surely pave the way to weighing 300 pounds.